I’ve been thinking a lot about reflections, about how they at first appear to be a replica of what they reflect. Upon second glance one sees the subtle nuances, the ripples, the distortions that make a reflection parallel but not identical. The longer one looks, the more disparate the two become. Eventually, the reflection develops a uniqueness and a difference, born of the item before it yet taking on a life of its own.
I suppose that is how I always viewed myself; as a reflection of Tina. We have the same ebony hair, wildly curly, the same cinnamon eyes, rich like father’s dark brew, and the same crooked smile. Somehow, though, I am always a lesser version of her. My curls are more unruly than wild, my eyes have golden flecks that make them appear tarnished, and I rarely smile. Tina shines. I suppose I should say Tina did shine. It is proper to refer to her in the past tense. Tina’s desk is gone now.
Perhaps I should feel better now that I am no longer just a reflection of Tina. Instead, I feel terrified. When Tina was present, people didn’t look too closely at me. Now they are sure to see those nuances, the little disturbances that make me dissimilar. Singular is wrong. We are all a reflection of Her, our similarities a tribute to Her greatness. Too many ripples in the water and one becomes dissident. Dissention is immoral. Father says that they cast the immoral from the city to wander alone in the desert until the heat consumes them. I do not wish to be destroyed by heat, to evaporate into nothingness.
Tina is–was–a perfect reflection of Her, just like Mother. Father says that my time is coming. Soon, he will carry my desk out of the room, just as he carried out Tina’s. I will be given to a man. He will look at me like Father looks at Mother. Surely, then, he will see how disparate I have become, and I will burn up in the blowing sands. Worse, maybe he will not notice my uniqueness, and I will sob like Mother does each night. Is it better to drown or to burn?
For now, I sit at my desk and read about Her. I do not know if I will face the unrelenting sun or the swallowing sea, but somehow I will be consumed. I am no longer the reflection, I have taken on a life of my own, and that is the most dangerous thing a girl can do.
I love the gradual way you take us from the ordinary to the dystopian. I was wondering at first if this was actually a personal essay, and then you dropped in details that gave us clues to the setting.
Welcome to yeah write, by the way. Glad to have you here, and hope to see you on the grids often!
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Thanks Christine! I am happy to have stumbled upon yeah write!
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The changes the narrator experiences as a result of Tina’s absence are well thought out. I also like the tone of this piece, how it gives particulars of a situation and backs out to say something broader in scope, such as: “Tina shines. I suppose I should say Tina did shine. It is proper to refer to her in the past tense.” It’s intimate like a diary entry. I could have used a little more on the weight you gave the word “disparate.” Like what it means in that society. I’m also not sure what the desks have to do with anything.
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Hi James. Thank you. The desks were a physical representation of Tina’s departure from the house and here sister’s impending transition. They are a symbol of the rigid education of the girls. Also, the writing prompt was to use the line Tina’s desk is gone now. 🙂
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I see. I guess the prompt sentence came up out of nowhere for me. Up until that point there was no mention of setting that I caught. And the philosophical opening paragraph made me picture a narrator that was older than school age. Hi, BTW! I’m Nate, another yeah write editor. So glad you joined us!
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Haha, I may have been trying a bit hard:)
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Also, sorry for getting your name wrong!
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No problem! Happens all the time, and you didn’t know my name, of course. (James is my last name)
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Wow! It's looking wonderful!I am chuckling, with some cringing, imagining you on the stool with your camera. Please be caMfeul!!!raybe you should have one of your sons take the "up high" pictures. They're more agile, and you can anchor them. 🙂
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Like Nate and Christine, I think the narrative and pacing are spot-on, but the tone is a little jarring. Word choice and sentence structure can be a great way to give clues about the narrator and even the setting (think about the distinctive phrasings of Jane Austen vs Agatha Christie or Rex Stout) without having to throw out a lot of description and worldbuilding that would be out of place in an introspective piece like this.
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Yay feedback! Thank you! I hadn’t considered that.
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I was caught from the beginning, I wanted to know why Tina was past tense, I wanted to know about the desk, about the father, are Tina and the narrator twins? My imagination went into overdrive, such fun! I really like your writing style.
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Yay! I’m so glad you liked it!
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Well done to think of sotehming like that
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